


Hoodies Are My Hiding Place

by SeoulWings13



Category: Lost in Translation (Webcomic)
Genre: :D, Agoraphobia, Angst with a Happy Ending, Candy, Fluff and Angst, Freedom, Gen, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I hope you like it, Social Anxiety, There's A Tag For That, This is lighthearted, hoodie obsession, hyunjin is watermellon, kyung - Freeform, kyunghun is strawberry, minsung is cotton candy, never did, rey why did you write this, taeseok is lollypop, these tags dont make sense, what is this, young j is blueberry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-21
Updated: 2021-01-21
Packaged: 2021-03-12 21:00:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28891761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SeoulWings13/pseuds/SeoulWings13
Summary: Kyunghun wasn't the victim the media portrayed him to be. Maybe he wasn't the singer either. Maybe he was just a guy with problems.
Relationships: Im Youngjoon | Young J & Jung Hyunjin | Ven & Kim Taeseok & Lee Minsung & Moon Kyunghun, Im Youngjoon | Young J & Moon Kyunghun, Im Youngjoon | Young J/Lee Minsung/Moon Kyunghun, Im Youngjoon | Young J/Moon Kyunghun, Jung Hyunjin | Ven/Kim Taeseok, Kim Taeseok/Jung Hyunjin | Ven, Lee Minsung & Moon Kyunghun
Comments: 4
Kudos: 7





	Hoodies Are My Hiding Place

**Author's Note:**

  * For [iamliterallyahotpocket](https://archiveofourown.org/users/iamliterallyahotpocket/gifts).



> For my fellow Kyunghun stan. I frikin love you, okay?
> 
> I hope you like this, I'm fond of it.
> 
> I love how it's cannon the man does have a hoodie obsession.
> 
> so do I, though.

**"Healing doesn't mean the damage never existed. It means the damage no longer controls our lives."**

**\----------------**

Kyunghun liked hoodies. They were warm, baggy, and they could hide things. They could hide the dark bruises, the sleepless eye bags, the incredibly skinny frame that was borderline unhealthy. He was able to sleep with his legs tucked in, trying to hide from all his problems. 

The debt was the most pressing thing, but the forced pictures was another. He was always the victim of some scandal here or there, but always the victim. Always the weaker in the scandal. He hated it. Not that he wanted to start them, but just because he didn't want to look so weak. 

He wasn't what they thought; they thought he was helpless. He got a black belt in martial arts. They thought he was secretly a woman; he started wearing more form-fitting clothing and bodybuilding. And then the scandals started. It had started innocently enough. He had tripped and was caught by a woman nearby. The pictures had gone viral. Attention seekers would try and catcall him, causing him to run. Every clip was taped and shown everywhere. 

CEO Park hadn't done anything but fan the flames, a mountain of debt erupting from nowhere. 

_If only XR entertainment hadn't gone broke._

Minsung stormed into the dorm startling Kyunghun. The leader was always agitated now that he had to share a whole building with Minsoo. Their rivalry scared Kyunghun a little, and the fact the infamous womanizer also lived here, the male was always on eggshells. The two most problematic idols under one label. In fact, all the scandals had tainted Kyunghun's view of love and romance. He didn't want any part of it. At all. Ever. Romance was overrated.

_If only HCE hadn't claimed SA1NT. It would be fine if they disbanded._

Agitation filled his small frame again, and he drew a deep breath. He was one of the oldest. The most responsible right now. Youngjoon acted incredibly juvenile; Minsung was too busy obsessing about Minsoo. Kyunghun took care of Taeseok and Hyunjin while trying to balance his own life out. It wasn't like he thought the CEO was lying, but two successful groups in debt? Doubtful. Voices floated from Taeseok's room, and Kyunghun got up to investigate. he could Youngjoon and Taeseok filming a Tik Tok and smiled. 

_They were fine. They would always be fine._

Moving to his room, he checked his closet. His favorite hoodie was gone, a note in Hyunjin's writing in its place. Kyunghun shook his head and pulled out his second favorite hoodie. It was a dark blue and hung almost to his knees. Anything oversize was a plus. Wriggling out of his pale pink shirt, and shrugging on the selected article of clothing. He selected a black mask and turned to leave. 

"I'm going out!"

No response. That's alright. They were busy having fun. Kyung just needed to go and distress at a local GameGo. There was a new figurine he wanted to purchase, and maybe he'd stop by New Navy and purchase another stack of hoodies. It was therapeutic, picking out colors and textures. Blue for when he was sad, yellow for happiness, pink for warmth, red for heat, white for innocence, black for an emo vibe. Cotton lined for warmth and fleece because of warmth. He enjoyed feeling the different designs engraved onto the fabric. When he had a pile almost too heavy to carry, Kyunghun moved to check out. 

Leaving the store with a considerably lighter wallet, but warm comfort items in his bags, he made a beeline for GameGo. Jaewon was in there, looking for a game for Minsoo. Kyunghun walked in a large loop to try and avoid the other idol. The figure he wanted was sitting next to a game he'd been looking for, and he picked them both up. Jaewon looked up, his face breaking into a smile. 

"Kyung! What's better?" Jaewon was holding up two different games. 

The sudden confrontation startled the younger male. "Th-that one," he mumbled, pointing to the copy of Grand Theft Auto Marathoning. 

Jaewon smiled, and Kyunghun managed one back. Jaewon was nice, but the two of them together in public could result in another hit to Kyung's ego and reputation. He checked out and turned to leave the store. A hand grabbed his shoulder and he stumbled back a little, the weight of his purchases pulling him backward. Jaewon caught him, and Kyunghun could feel phone shutters clicking.

"Careful! I was wondering if you wanted to go to coffee?"

_What? Didn't he know what this would mean?_

"Sure Hyung, coffee sounds great." the words were mumbled, Kyunghun could just feel their eyes everywhere.

Jaewon seemed happier, though. There was nothing Kyunghun would do to deprive him of it. He had a sneaking suspicion, Jaewon was made up to look like a villain. After all, if SA1NT was in debt, it wasn't that farfetched to think Mayhem struggling as well. Curse their boss who saw the idols as products instead of employees. Maybe if Kyunghun stepped out of his little bubble, there'd be more to see and more people to meet.

The coffee shop Jaewon took him to was tiny. The drinks were good though, and Kyunghun found himself enjoying his favorite latte with a slight twist. Jaewon was drinking an iced americano and chatting with the man at the counter. It was a nice gesture, to be completely honest. He scrolled through the hundreds of images uploaded to the #MoonKyunghun tag. As he expected, the media was going wild with the image of him and Jaewon. And he was seen as the victim. Again. 

1\. Kyunghun had concluded Jaewon was a being who wouldn't be able to kill a fly.

2\. He was 4 cm taller. Just because he's younger doesn't make him weaker.

3\. That stupid reputation. 

Jaewon walked over, sighing softly at Kyunghun's screen. Regret filled his facial features normally masked with cold indifference to everything. Even when Mayhem performed, Jaewon would play a sexy beast. It was a little strange to see Jaewon as Jaewon and not Wyld. It was refreshing though, too. 

"I'm sorry for dragging you into my mess." Jaewon looked down.

Kyunghun managed a sad look. "Your mess? Hyung, it's kinda my mess too."

"You've been with girls too, haven't you?"

"Not in the way you'd think."

"CEO?"

"How did you-"

"Two and two together. I've seen you in his office here and there."

"I don't think the debt is real." Kyunghun had finally voiced his thoughts, and oh it felt so good. He felt like a weight had fallen off his shoulders, even if he was wrong. 

"Maybe. If you ever need to talk to me, call me though. Please?"

Kyunghun nodded. 

\---

Three months had passed, the debt never shrinking, but always growing. Kyunghun had seen so many women in his face. Some just approaching, some fans, and the occasional lost tourist. Almost every night his finger hovered over Jaewon's contact. He wanted desperately to talk to someone, but social anxiety, guilt, fear, and the desire to never seem weak stopped his fingers. It would be later he'd realize asking for help wasn't a bad thing. Crying wasn't a bad thing. He was human and he had emotions. 

_He didn't know that, yet._

Kyunghun ran a hand through his hair. It was too long, he wished for a more masculine everything. They looked like boys while Mayhem looked like men. As SA1NT's popularity grew, so did their haters. The comments about his looks ate at Kyunghun, playing with his deepest insecurities. Instead of trying to wear tight clothing to show off his body, Kyunghun regressed into giant hoodies. They covered his insecurities, like the bruise on his hip from falling during choreography. 

He'd lost most of the bulk during the latest set of dieting, and though it wasn't enough to healthily survive on, Kyunghun kept his mouth shut. He was so afraid of what would happen if he tried to make a fuss. The articles were fewer now as the comeback approached. Kyunghun stopped trying to interact with anyone outside of his groupmates.

Interviews? He'd answer one question.

Awards shows? He'd thank the fans once, and then just smile. 

Performances? He'd give it his all, hit every note, and execute every dance move. 

One of them was always holding his hand, though. Kyunghun wasn't able to think clearly in the crowds. He was so aware of the cameras, the people, the ones talking and whispering. Normally it was Minsung who kept an eye out and made sure Kyunghun was safe. Taeseok would hold his other hand. 

Hoods became his armor, their coloring fading into darker greens, blues, and blacks. He felt so exposed without one. His sleep schedule became nonexistent, games and practice taking up his life. Sometimes, when he was feeling brave, he'd go and get some coffee. Mask, hood, and often sunglasses accessorized his face. Rarely was he recognized in public anymore. 

He couldn't stop caring about what they thought. One night, he called Jaewon. There were no words exchanged between them, just Kyunghun crying on one end. The pressure was too friking much. Anyone strong would break, and Kyunghun was anything but strong. Yet, he forced himself to be. He wasn't a victim, he wasn't a fighter. He was Moon Kyunghun, a very real person with very real problems. 

"Hyung?" Taeseok had approached him with questioning eyes. "Why do you work so hard when we're at the top?"

 _Because when you're at the top, the fall is the hardest and the longest._

"I just wanna give out a good performance."

"You barely leave the dorm unless you're forced to, or you're going to the practice room."

"I wouldn't have anywhere else to go." Kyunghun ruffled the younger's hair.

"You can watch Daehyun Hyung busk with us. Youngjoon Hyung's going to buy us food after"

 _The eyes would be everywhere._

"When is it?"

"In an hour." 

"I can't. I got... work."

"What work?"

"Just stuff." Kyunghun was mumbling at this point, shrinking subconsciously into the cavernous folds of the soft grey material he was wearing.

"Hyung, do you hate us?" 

"I would never hate you guys. Outside is just a scary place."

And then, Taeseok got up and left. That night, the maknae's search history included the following.

**What is the fear of the outside called?**

**What is Agoraphobia?**

**How to overcome agoraphobia without medication**

**Comfort items for adults**

Most of the answers directed him to therapy, and at this point, maybe Kyunghun needed just that. Not that Kyung'd accept it. He was too self-conscious, too kind, too caring about others to give a thought to his own mental state. Kyunghun was just too much of Kyunghun. It frustrated Taeseok a little, but at the same time, he understood. Slightly curious, he did a search of his fellow group-mate. The number of things that popped up scared him a little, but he sat back and began reading them all. 

**Moon Kyunghun seen attacked by an angry fan...**

**Moon Kyunghun and Ahn Jaewon (what's going on between them?)**

**The news about the world's most delicate idol, Kyunghun from SA1NT**

**The most attacked idol of this year**

**Moon Kyunghun allegedly mistreated by company?**

**List of most mistreated idols (fan's choice)**

_Oh. He was the victim in all these scenarios._

Fetching his shoes, Taeseok stole away to a small little shop in downtown Seoul. When Kyunghun awoke, there was a small bag at the foot of his bed. Inside, a small little lollypop plush keychain greeted him. It was purple, and the perfect size to clip onto anything. Kyunghun couldn't help the little laugh that came out of his mouth. Over the course of the next couple of days, Kyunghun received a blueberry, cotton candy, watermelon, and a little strawberry. They made him smile, each one reminding him of one of the members. 

Taeseok sighed in relief. Kyunghun liked the little toys and would take them with him whenever he exited the dorm. Now to try and get the boy to therapy for diagnosis, and hopefully, medication. Hyunjin noticed the sneaking around Taeseok had been doing and cornered him, trying to figure out what was going on. 

Taeseok explained everything he had seen, inferred, and heard. He could tell the news agitated Hyunjin, as the boy slipped into accented English. Taeseok poked him and was greeted with sheepish Korean. They both agreed, therapy was certainly needed, but also, it would be incredibly cruel to push Kyung out of his comfort zone. 

Stuck in an impossible dilemma, the two just sat, waiting for Kyung to immerge from his room, before hustling him back in. 

"Guys?"

"You need therapy." Hyunjin couldn't contain himself.

"What?"

"What Hyunjin is trying to say, is that your agoraphobia and everything's gotten bad. And we found out about the scandals. How did you manage to keep them hidden?"

"Deleted them off your phones," Kyunghun mumbled. Every time an alert chimed, he just pressed the X on everyone's device. "I've thought about therapy, but it's too scary. CEO Park would get mad too. If you know about the scandals, then you know about the debt."

"Debt?"

"Mhm. There's a lot of money owed."

"Minsung paid it off though. The CEO told him we were scott-free." 

_Oh. He had been right. The popularity had brought in money just to the miser's hands._

"I need another hoodie."

"How many are you wearing, mate?"

"3." 

"You're going to overheat." Taeseok rubbed Kyunghun's back. "Hyung you gotta just not let the comments get to you."

Taeseok received a glare and an elbow from Hyunjin. "Not, not let them get to you, just don't read them. It's impossible to be strong all the time, and with Munsung Hyung and Minsoo Hyung arguing all the time, you've done so much. You're human, Kyung." 

_Did they care?_

Slowly, the older male wiggled out of two of his hoodies, noticing how much freer he felt without them. How ironic, his source of protection had become his own cage without him noticing. The dark pink hoodie hung on his frame, and Taeseok shivered. No man should be that thin. Ever. Hyunjin fumbled in his pocket, pulling out an energy bar. 

"Eat."

Obediently, Kyunghun began to eat, realizing how hungry he was by the time the bar was finished. There was a small light in his eyes. Of course, this was just the beginning. No one can start or stop something just like that. Kyunghun didn't plan to eat anything more after the bar though, but it was better than the one sweet potato a day diet.

\---

Another four months passed. There was little progress here and there. Kyunghun would eat a light breakfast and snack on energy bars throughout the day. Taeseok would constantly keep the bars on hand along with a healthy amount of sugar. Instead of three or four hoodies, a light sheen of makeup decorated Kyunghun's face. 

It suited him, the bold eyeshadow and winged liner, or the more subtle, natural look. Hyunjin would watch with a smile. Minsung and Youngjoon found out, eventually, and they too were supportive. However, CEO Park was not. He was displeased, paying people to harass his idol for a big stint. It wasn't hard. Everyone is greedy. 

Every time SA1NT got an alert, Kyunghun's phone would vanish for five minutes. The whole group was stronger because they looked out for each other, but the trust it took was incredible. SA1NT was close. Incredibly so. 

But, trust and strength come from incredible hardships. Kyunghun wanted to leave the group. So many nights, he'd cry from what he had to endure and feel. No matter how much money he brought in, or how much he'd beg the CEO to stop, it wouldn't stop. If he came clean to the media, they'd be shut up faster than a snake could strike. The group would suffer. Kyunghun didn't want that for SA1NT, for Taeseok, Hyunjin, Minsung, and Youngjoon. 

Such a desire can break even the strongest of bonds. 

Several months later, each member found a brightly colored hoodie laid out on their beds and a letter on the table. The fabric of the clothing was well made and a loge was stitched onto the fabric. The words were written with such passion, the boys couldn't ask for much more. 

_Hello SA1NT,_

_I can't handle this anymore. Please don't be mad. Please. I found a new job and everything. Don't blame yourselves. Don't quit what you love. I just didn't love the fame anymore. Maybe our paths will cross eventually. There was nothing more I could've asked for. I've treasured every moment, and I'll always treasure the moments._

_I love you so much. Maybe my absence is selfish. Maybe I am. I'm not a strong perfect golden boy, and I don't want to be that anymore. I'm just me. I'm Moon Kyunghun. Please, please, be yourselves. Don't lose Lee Minsung, Im Youngjoon, Jung Hyunjin, and Kim Taeseok. Don't change to fit the company._

_If CEO park tries to change you guys, don't listen to him. Please. I love you all. Don't succumb to the pressure I did. I'm weak._

_Moon Kyunghun_

The news lapped up the absence of Kyunghun, and SA1NT didn't seem right anymore. The boy had started a hoodie company, making different fabric and color combinations. It was nice, but it just didn't feel right. However, with time, anything heals. Awards were won, records smashed. Their fanbase grew. They were just four boys singing and dancing. They did what they loved, and that was enough. Even with the hole in their ranks.

SA1NT broke up several years after Kyunghun's retirement. The boys never lost touch though. The first Monday of every month was when they met up and caught up. It wasn't ideal, it never was. Minsung had stayed with HCE as a solo artist, writing and releasing songs. Youngjoon had found a passion for photography and became a free-lance photographer. Hyunjin went back home to Australia, starting a non-profit to promote and support struggling artists. Taeseok floated here and there. Kyunghun oversaw several new stores and his growing brand label "Hiding Place."

They were all free. That's what mattered most. 

And...

When Kyunghun really needed help, he didn't hesitate to call Jaewon. The five boys supported Mayhem still, and Kyunghun never forgot the acceptance Jaewon had bestowed upon him. He'd been set free too. The CEO had retired, a younger more open-minded one in his place. It was beautiful. They were all healing. They were all free.

**Author's Note:**

> Rey is trying to write happier endings. 
> 
> Jun (Cobwebbed Wings): Hi, I'd like a happy ending.  
> Jaewon (Tears of Gold): Get in line.
> 
> Rey (Author): *slowly backs away*


End file.
